I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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