Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
