Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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