Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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