so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
