While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
