Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
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i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
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you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
We had sex on a dog bed..
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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