and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
