i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize