it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
