i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
