Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize
