You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
