3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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