He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
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he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
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Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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