I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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