wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Randomize
