"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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