how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
