I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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