Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
