Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
