So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
