he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
its liver damage thursday
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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