Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
