after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
