My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
