so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
