And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
