Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
i would punch a child for taco bell
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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