You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
