how can u be prego again
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
