i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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