My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
