Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
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Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
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I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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