She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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