I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Sober January is a disaster.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
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