I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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