Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
