What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
where are you?
Hypothermia
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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