Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
