I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
