we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
