We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
