Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
