Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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