whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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