dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
