I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
