The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
NoShamevember. You game?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
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