god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
pray to the hookup gods
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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