u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
These 31 Gross People Really Put The ‘Trash’ In ‘Trashed’
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
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I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..