Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
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Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
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Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE