when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
21 Horny People Confess Their Boldest Sexual Advances
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
i've created a new STD.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
29 Shocking Confessions That People Thought Were A Joke
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation