halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.