we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
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We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
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the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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