Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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