Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz