Can i not drive my cunt home
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
The 19 Creepiest Missing Person Cases
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.