You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.