I'm so fucking centered right now
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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