You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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