i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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