Pants 0. Shit 1.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
