College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
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no one should ever give us hovercrafts
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
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It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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