So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
